From our legacy blog – HUMOUR

Topic: City Jokes
 BRADDRAGLAND Posted: 08-Jan-2004 16:30 

Last week some City workers were planting trees beside a busy road downtown. Which at first glance didn’t seem to unusual to the people speeding by.
But as rush hour grew closer and traffic was moving along at a snails pace,a lot of citizens were concerned,
because as they watched the workers they noticed that no sooner had one of them dug the hole, the next one was filling the hole back in with dirt. But no trees were being planted.
Before you knew it there was a flood of complaints to City Hall.
Then an hour later the area Alderman was on the scene, asking what the hell was going on.
They said, “Tim, the person responsible for putting the trees in the hole phoned in sick today.”

Three young boys were at the playground one day bragging about their Dad’s jobs.
The first boy said,”My Dad has the fastest job in the world, because he is a race car driver.”
The second boy said,”Oh yah, well my Dad is faster than your Dad, he is an airline pilot.”
The third boy, not to be outdone said,”My dad is faster than both of your Dads, he works for the City, he gets off work at 4:30 and is home by 4:00.”

What is white and sleeps six?
A City crew truck.

_______________________________
Topic: Blonde Cook Book
 Vaughn Posted: 30-May-2003 01:13   
 Blonde Cook Book

MONDAY:
It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food
cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The
neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said
serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a
surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but
I took a bath. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of
lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up
to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the
garden?

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all
ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been
something wrong with this recipe. When I got back,
everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some
reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY:
Bob’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast.
All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash
of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set
the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger,
much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY:
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.
If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to
surprise him with Chocolate Moose

__________________________

Topic: From the mouths of babes
 Vaughn Posted: 30-May-2003 01:06   
 A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a
uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The cop asked, “What’s he like?”
The little boy replied, “Beer and women with big boobs.”
 
___________________________

 Topic: Fowl Answer
 Vaughn Posted: 30-May-2003 01:04   A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
 
 ____________________________

Topic: Dragland Jokes
 Vaughn Posted: 30-May-2003 00:56  
 (Lars, Ole and Lena)

Lars asked Ole, “Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe? “No, I don’t,” said Ole. “A canoe will sometimes tip,” explained Lars.
~~~~~~~~~
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, “How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?” “Just a minute,” said the busy clerk. “Vell, said Lena, “if it has to go dat fast, I tink I’ll just take da bus.”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, “Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!”
~~~~~~~~~
Lars: “Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working.” Ole: “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No….”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, “Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to.” So Ole drove to Duluth.
~~~~~~~~~
“Hey, Sven!” said Ole. “How many Svedes does it take to grease a combine?” After Sven replied, “I don’t know.” Ole said, “Only two, if you run dem through real slow.”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. “Oh,” said Ole, “I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet.” “How come?” asked Lars. “Vell,” Ole answered, “because vith a clarinet she can’t sing.”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, “Are you a pole vaulter?” Ole said, “No, I’m Norvegian … and my name isn’t Valter.”
~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support.” “Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few bucks, myself.”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. “Have you eaten your banana yet?” Ole asked excitedly. “No,” replied Lars. “Vell, don’t touch it den,” Ole exclaimed. “I yust took vun bite and vent blind!”
~~~~~~~~~
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died.'” The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.” So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O.K. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale.'”
~~~~~~~~~

And dot’s enough!!
_____________________

Advertisements

One Response

  1. LOL, no ma’am they’re dead. Hilarious.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: